I'm fucking tired of it. I don't care why you want to be in love, or what happened when you gave your boyfriend an hj for the first time. Shut up...

Since when was it ever okay for someone as old as my dad (40+) to want to hang out with young girls (25 and lower)? Even over 30 is stretching it.

Last night my best friend and I were hanging with this guy who's our age. Smoking weed, whatever, the usual. Then he leaves for a minute and comes back and says, "can my dad smoke too?" WTF? I was just like I guess but secretly thinking get me out of here! So his dad barges in, knocks over this huge box filled with glass containers that belong to his son, and is just like, "hehe, oops." Carolyn starts looking around for another exit, but alas, there is none! We're trapped in this already small room. So we smoke and I don't even make eye contact with that guy. Our friend leaves, and his dad is like, "so, ladies, where's the party?" Carolyn said, "there isn't one." So he says, "guess we'll just have to make one then, huh?" Man, I just rolled my eyes out of my head. Fuck off, you know? I'm young enough to be your daughter. Carolyn says we're about to head out so we take the bong back and leave.

It's not like this is my first encounter. It happened quite a bit when I was into the hard shit. But it has happened considerably less around weed.

I don't understand how someone that old can think someone that young would be interested? Not just in sex, but just hanging out in general? Seriously, if I wanted to hang out with my DAD, I fucking would!

So then, when we've avoided talking to you/said less than 5 words to the floor and have made up some excuse to leave, don't say: "Hope to party again real soon!" or "you girls have a nice night" with that creepy inflection. Because that just causes me nightmares.

You've probably been wondering why I've been ignoring you lately. Should we start at the beginning?
 
I remember the first time I met you was in 7th grade German class. Kelli kept telling me you were cool, but I just thought you were weird and annoying. 8th grade however was different, as you know. We had art together and I thought you were fucking hilarious, you were psycho too of course, always on drugs apparently. I'm sure you remember the time you came in to class with these weird scabs all over your face, and you said some guy poured acid on you. I believed you. Remember you came over to my house one day and made us go to o'Reilley's Auto Parts and buy driveway cleaner and Drain-O so you could make coke on my stove? But then time ran out and you had to go home. At least I got some driveway cleaner out of it.
 
I remember in 9th grade you were pretty much in rehab the whole time. Then one day you came back and gave me some DXM and I passed out in English. Ms. Parks must have thought I was fucking crazy. But I knew she felt bad for me because I had a dead brother. The summer is a blur.
 
In 10th grade we started hanging out again, because you started going out with Pierre, that guy was fucking hot. And not at all french. He kind of looked like Jimi Hendrix. Anyways, everything was cool for awhile cos all of us would party at his house. Do you remember that day we were over there, you left by yourself for a little while, then came back with scratches on your arm, and said, "I was walking and this lady told me if I didn't shoot up heroin with her she'd kill me." I don't remember if anyone believed that shit, but I doubt it. What I do remember is looking at Meagan and thinking, she's still crazy.
 
And you remember soon after that we bought a bunch of meth from Leo and went to your Grandpa's farm, smoked it all, and stayed up all night talking about God knows what. It was hot as hell. You threw up in an Aeropostale bag on the way home.
 
A few weeks later when we were at Pierre's, everyone was wasted, Pierre started feeling up my leg while you were sitting on his lap. I gave him the weirdest fucking look and he was like, "oh I thought that was Jessi's leg," and everyone started laughing. I didn't think anything of it, until later he barricaded me into his room and started making out with me and shoving my hand down his pants. I flew out of there real quick, I remember I kept saying "nah dude I love Jessi I'm not doing this", because I really did like him dude, he was fucking hot what can I say. I told Meagan, who immediately told you, and you told Pierre. A few days past and Pierre said to me, "she knows about us." And I glared at him and said, "what the fuck are you talking about? there is no us." He looked crushed, but I didn't tell you. I didn't tell anyone. He was good for you, with the exception of all the drugs we did.
 
Then there was the night. That night. When you claimed he raped you and he went to prison for statutory? That wasn't a good night. Everyone was pissed off at you, but you knew Meagan and I couldn't stay mad at you. We all talked shit about you and your "rape", but we still liked you. After that we partied at Fat Thomas's, and you hit on every guy there I remember, including Meagan's boyfriend at the time. You little slut, you.
 
I remember the next semester of 10th grade was going fine, until you brought a bottle of vodka to school and ran into Ms. Mohr's office exclaiming how drunk you were. That was a stupid thing to do, you got sent to the RROC. I should have known better, but like an idiot a month later I got busted with Hennessy at school. Pretty dumb. So we were both there. Remember that drug class we were in? You were so into it, and sober apparently. I've never believed you when you've said you were sober, but I did then. You'd never looked better. I was scared for when you got out, because I knew you would relapse fast, and that you did. I even dreamt about it before you called me a few days later and told me you did. I remember I was at my Grandma's then.
 
Remember that day we shot up coke under the bridge near the pool? All I could think of while were down there was that song Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Only he was downtown and shooting up heroin. We weren't as cool.
 
I don't remember seeing much of you during 11th grade, because you went to SUCCESS. We didn't hang out that often, seeing as how you graduate early. Then something happened. The summer before 12th grade we started hanging out again all the time, drinking and driving downtown like idiots. I still can't believe we didn't kill anybody. Remember how you and Eric your then boyfriend came over to my house that one night when I was barred the fuck out, and had had some strange hot guy buy me beer at HEB? Yeah, I don't remember much of it either. But I do remember you inviting over Sniffler and Black John those thieving bastards who stole a bunch of my shit. You invited Ray too, the only guy I've ever let my guard down for. Anyways, you knew I slept with him, I knew you probably had sex with Eric on my parent's bed. I didn't give a fuck, that party lasted 2 days, and I needed everyone to get the fuck out. Then somehow my mom found out I had sex with Ray. How you ask? Oh, you know, bitch. You fucking told my step-dad when you came back to get Eric's wallet! Which I found and threw in the fucking trash, lmfao. I was pissed about that shit, but you have this way about you that makes me not mad at you. It's like you should be the guilty one, but you end up guilt-tripping everyone else. You are conniving.
 
After that we sort of hung out, but not too much since I was grounded from that party. I started hanging out with Ray, because you told me to talk to him because he liked me, and I didn't really give a fuck. But he called me so many times I finally answered and agreed to hang out with him one day when I was barred out. I didn't know what he looked like, because I didn't remember him at all. I waited at HEB extremely fucking nervous cos I didn't want him to be ugly. He pulled up and he wasn't. I just wanted to be friends anyways. But he kept at it. He had this cocky attitude that I dug, like he knew he would win me over. He was always busy and I never thought anything of it, I thought that was you know his game plan. We hung out a bunch and he always got me wasted, which was great.
 
I bet you don't remember this day. Probably because I've never told you. I had been hanging out with Ray and you called me to come pick you up from Walgreens because you were homeless and Eric beat you up really fucking bad. I was with Ray so I asked if we could come get you and drop you off somewhere. Do you know how hard it was for me to convince him to go and get you? He told me and I quote that you were "a psycho bitch" and he hated you. We got you and dropped you off anyways.
 
One night when hanging out with Ray, I wouldn't have sex with him, and he got really mad. So I got really mad. So I went home. He broke up with me via fucking text, I wish I remembered what it said. But I was drunk and crying too hard. I really liked this guy, and he just fucked with my heart. I realised he had just been using me the whole time. I've never felt more stupid.
 
The next day you and I hung out and I told you what happened. You reamed him out about it until he told you that "he already had a girlfriend." I pretended I didn't give a fuck, but I did. How could he? You were pissed off as fuck too, I remember. You told me all these reassuring things, he's an asshole, you deserve better, etc. Then we got drunk and I was over it. I still thought about it, I still do sometimes, but it doesn't hurt me.
 
Do you remember that night we took Ashton to go get coke from your dealer? Remember we were drunk and you were being so fucking mean to me, knowing that I was like in love with fucking Ashton? He even thought you were being a bitch. You also remember how you ripped Ashton off $160 dollars everytime because you were the middle man? Do you remember that night after we dropped him off how I slept over at your house? You passed out, Ashton started texting me. We got on the subject of you. I said, "she's not as fucking nice as she acts to you, think about it." He called me, Jessi, and I told him how much you were ripping him off, and this is what he said, "fuck, what a bitch. it's alright though because I took his number from her phone when she was in there." And all the while you were sleeping. You still don't know I told Ashton to this day. And I think it's hilarious considering you're friends with his now girlfriend.
 
Then for awhile we stopped hanging out. I know we hung out over spring break because we got pulled over for drunk driving. We got off scott free thanks to me, your syringes didn't fucking help the situation, but luckily the cop liked me. Remember he even chatted me up? That was really lucky. We stopped hanging out for awhile. Then over the summer you told me you had been seeing Ray for months. And you were fucking living with him. Mindfuck times a thousand! What about all those things you said about how much of a jerk he was? You knew he used me. You knew we had a past. You knew I fucking liked him even though he treated me like dirt. How could you be such a fucking slut!?
 
I remember what I did. I bitched you the fuck out and called you a stupid fucking dumb ass whore bitch and you two deserved eachother and to burn in hell. Then you kept fucking calling me so I turned my phone off. I didn't want to fucking speak to you. Eventually I gave in and you were crying and explained how much you were in love which only made me fucking seethe, but I let you off the hook again. Because I was stupid.
 
One night you called me cos you had heard I'd been doing bars. You told me Ray wouldn't let you hang out with me if I was doing bars. And I flipped shit. Since when did that insensitive fuck have any say in what goes on between you and I? Never. And are you really going to let a man push you around? Oh wait, you always let them do that. You're such a pushover Jessi, I know he treated you like shit, I know it, and I know you didn't do a fucking thing about it. I called you a slut and I said some things about him that I don't remember because I was on bars. And that was it until you called me this recent October.
 
I told you I would hang out with you again (for some reason) but that I would never like Ray. Then you told me he was dead. I said I was so sorry for your loss. When I hung up, I burst out laughing. Yes it sucks that he lived such a short life, but he was such a piece of shit to me and everyone around him, I don't think his existence was even significant unless it was to be a pain in the ass. I told my friends he died, they joked about it too. It was like the only one who thought he was decent was you Jessi, and you even knew what had happened with me and him.
 
I started hanging out with you again occasionally, and we would get drunk. The usual. I didn't like you. All you would talk about was Ray, and how much you loved him. And how much he changed your life. And what his purpose was, how he affected everyone around him. I wanted to ram you through the fucking windshield. Seriously, you fucking whore bitch! I tried to be friends with you, I tried. But I can't stand hearing you talk about him like that. I wish you knew some of the shit he said to me when he hated you.
 
Those nights you had been out drinking for seriously 48 hours and you drove over to my house to drink more. I didn't trust you to drive, so I called Ray and begged him to give you a ride home because it wasn't safe for you to drive, and I didn't know anyone else with a car besides Ashton, and I wasn't about to ask him. He told me "I don't want to see that crazy drunk bitch." This other time it was me, him, and Eric, and he asked Eric if you gave good head. Right in front of me, no less. I want to tell you these things, I want to tell you how much he didn't like you. There's no way he completely changed his mind about you being a, in his words, "psychotic drugged-up bitch." There is no fucking way. But I don't tell you. You're already hurting enough from the death of your "first love", and I'm not an insensitive bitch like you are. I know if it was the other way around, you would have told me. You do shit like that, and then when people get mad you always say, "no I didn't mean it like that!" But you do. You mean what you say.
 
I don't want to hang out with you ever again. I can't stand hearing you talk about him. I can't forget how you bitched him out for my sake then turned around a slept with him a few weeks later. I can't forget how much of a bitch you are to me in general. I used to just let you walk all over me. To be fair I did use you for alcohol most of the time, but still you are such a bitch. I know you're smart, I know you have potential, you're very passionate. I know you're better off without Ray. I know you can amount to be something great, if drugs and drinking don't kill you first. But frankly I'm done with you.
 
Love,
Kelsey